...Crap, I know I%26#039;m going to get some %26quot;have a sex change%26quot; responses. %26gt;.%26lt;
But it%26#039;s actually more or less a serious question. Lately I%26#039;ve been learning about the differences between the way men think and the way women think. I%26#039;ve learnt (well, already knew) that women naturally mature faster than men, that women are generally more realistic than men, that women are much more inclined to be peacemakers than men - who tend to be aggressive due to their level of testosterone. Women are simply more sensible than men, especially when you compare teenage girls to teenage guys.
Teenage guys are just about the most unsophisticated breed of human beings there is. Mischievous, obsessed with sex, unrealistic - it bothers me that I belong to what can astutely be described as a subspecies of only slightly intelligent baboons. And I fear that naturally I am bound by the very same flaws and tendencies that many immature guys have. But I know I am different - with many things, it feels as though I can relate more to the female perspective than the male perspective. I am a great multitasker, I%26#039;m typing all this as I%26#039;m listening to music and thinking about a great many things. Even as I do have normal sexual urges and I am naturally attracted to legs, my focus is far less on the sexual as it is on the emotional.
I am not immature; in fact, I think in certain ways I am mature for a sixteen year old. I doubt I am preternaturally mature or anything, but I%26#039;m certainly above the average. I don%26#039;t make a complete fool of myself just because I think I%26#039;m funny. I know the world doesn%26#039;t revolve around me. I have some level of self discipline, and of self respect. I don%26#039;t act like I%26#039;m two years old.
I%26#039;m abashed of my sexual urges. I have been attempting to consciously control myself from checking out a girl%26#039;s breasts (which I%26#039;m not really attracted to anyways, by the way), legs, buttocks, or sometimes even looking at them in their entirety - I%26#039;m going to notice when they get their hair done, or when they are wearing a dress, or anything like that. I%26#039;m going to appreciate them as beautiful - not hot. Don%26#039;t get me wrong, I do fantasize about girls, but never in a particularly sexual light. Though I do feel sexual attraction just as anybody does, I am turned on more by personality than by physical appearance. I dream of flattering a beautiful girl with compliments, swooning her with love poems, giving her bouquets of flowers for special occasions (sometimes as a surprise!), cuddling up to her at night time, and most importantly of all, being her closest and most loyal friend, and she%26#039;ll never have to feel like she needs to be anything more for me to love her.
When I think about it, though, I feel as though I%26#039;m attempting to become something I%26#039;m not. I don%26#039;t pay any attention to how I%26#039;m received by guys; only girls. And I%26#039;m hyper sensitive to rejection, I analyze comments that are merely ambiguous as rejection (for example, if I perceive that you%26#039;re talking to me unenthusiastically or you don%26#039;t reply to all of messages - though I don%26#039;t have a habit of sending too many - I think you don%26#039;t like me and want me to go away). Is the fact that I feel more effeminate than other guys something to be proud of? What are some good things about teenage guys that I should be proud of?
What do you do if you become ashamed of your own gender?
I don%26#039;t ever become ashamed of my own gender. If I were in that situation, I would do something to improve the perception of men around the world.
What do you do if you become ashamed of your own gender?
One thing you should be proud of is that your smart enough not to act like the rest (not ALL the rest but I%26#039;m sure you know what I mean). Also you seem to be very sweet and quite a catch. But for your headline question just be happy to be able to rise above that cloud so many boys your age are stuck in. And even though you didn%26#039;t ask for advice on this, I noticed you said you were very sensitive to rejection and would just like to say from the way you wrote you shouldn%26#039;t worry about rejection too much. Us ladies have our own at the bottom of the barrel that are stuck too ;)
You sound like me [I%26#039;m a guy], and how I%26#039;ve been pretty much my entire life [once adolescence started]. I%26#039;m in my early twenties, I%26#039;ve dealt with this train of thought for a while now and have come to what I believe the firmest ground I%26#039;ve ever been on.
Okay, to be perfectly frank, here%26#039;s the thing:
DO NOT give in to self-hate, or pretentious thoughts as if you are intrinsically and naturally better than other men [boys]. And most of all: LEAD BY EXAMPLE.
I consider myself an extreme feminist- one who believes in the equality of the genders, and against culturally-assigned gender roles. I came to that though, because I have always felt how you say you feel. For many years I dealt with the fact that I didn%26#039;t mesh with how other %26quot;guys%26quot; felt and acted, and I always connected better with girls than the average guy. Though it made me horribly self-conscious, it also made me feel inwardly SUPERIOR to other guys. While it%26#039;s easy to think that, do your best not to. Nobody ever should think they%26#039;re naturally better than another person. But also, don%26#039;t give into the thought that men and women are %26quot;biologically%26quot; different [more open/observant/emotional/stupid, etc]. That%26#039;s an easy thing to get caught up in, but it actually makes you much more closed minded, since you%26#039;ll find as you grow up that there are plenty of men just like you, and confining the emotions and minds of people to gender roles is just as bad as thinking that Men are %26quot;better%26quot; than Women.
Yes, it%26#039;s okay to feel all these ways, and yes, it%26#039;s okay to feel somewhat %26quot;special%26quot; because you%26#039;re able to see both sides of the veil we call %26quot;gender roles%26quot;. But don%26#039;t let it make you feel bad about yourself, OR other men/boys. But rather, use WHO YOU ARE to live what you preach, and also to just be yourself, and live happily, without worrying about the roles. You%26#039;ll find that as you live your life, you just have to find your niche of people you like, enjoy, and mesh well with [in both friendships, and romantic relationships]. You%26#039;re never bound to just being an outcast because of how you are. It%26#039;s just a process :)
Also, one thing about High School: It%26#039;s different than the rest of the world. Once you leave there, not only will other men mature, but the entire species will seem both more intelligent, AND more understanding and open. PLEASE do not let the fact that you%26#039;re in the high school environment and see these boys skew your view of all Men, or humans. It%26#039;s a small percentage and cannot shape your worldview. [plus, adolescence is an awkward phase for everyone, in both body AND MIND... all those guys are probably dealing with their own insecurities, too, trust me].
But mostly, don%26#039;t let your own identity [everything you stated up there] force you to worry about gender roles or anything. Once you experience people, and come into your own self, you%26#039;ll see we%26#039;re all just people, and culture and society shape us all in many ways, whether it be stereotypical %26quot;manliness%26quot; or %26quot;woman-like%26quot;ness. But in the end we%26#039;re all our own people. So I urge you as a friend to stay open to all people, regardless of gender, and at the same time EMBRACE who you are, without letting it mitigate how you live; let it help you FLOURISH... I know it%26#039;s sure helped me and my life.
[wow, long response, haha, sorry :P]
ive met some very strange women...not all women are sensible...some are aggressive and evil. there is an equal amount of male and female jerks out there...
Teenage boys are bound to be like that. And teenage girls just as messed up. There are very many boys that are quite similar to you. I was the same when I was younger. The reason all the boys seem to be that way is because they are easier to notice. Most people don%26#039;t notice the guy sitting in the back, not saying a word. Everyone notices the kid who acts crazy to get attention. Eventually you will see that men are not the only ones with problems. Over the years young women have become more and more self centered and insane.
Do not be ashamed that you are a man. Women are not perfect either. And as for those other boys, there%26#039;s nothing wrong with kids being kids. They will grow up in time.
some are ambishius,hard working,intelligent,loving,caring people
You say you have been learning about the differences and then you type 2 paragraphs of unwarranted assumptions.
Those generalities are unfounded and are, generally speaking, untrue.
Of course you check out how girls look. That is only natural and it is hardwired into your brain.
Don%26#039;t think it is just your gender doing it. The women are doing the same thing, and trying just as hard not to be noticed doing it as the men are.
It is all part of the mating game.
Good for you. I%26#039;m that way, too, generally, and have been all my life. Nowadays, it is becoming more accepted, and I am glad that the younger generation of males is learning and growing. I remember songs which extolled men as lustful cavemen, getting angry, being disloyal. In your adulthood, you will find women drawn to you. And you might need that, since you are probably not aggressively trying to get all of their phone numbers. A lot of women still expect men to make first moves and chase them.
No, you don%26#039;t need an operation. You are bi-hemisphered, a nice balance of male and female impulses. Sensitivity and empathy are GOOD things. At 16, you will mature, you will change some, but you need not be ashamed of yourself, nor of men in general. It%26#039;s like motorcycles. They aren%26#039;t all noisy, but you don%26#039;t HEAR the quiet ones.
It%26#039;s good you%26#039;re reflecting on your own thoughts, and even better that you%26#039;re asking questions. And to argue against your question let me state:
1. When we speak of genders, and the ideas associated with them, we%26#039;re speaking of social constructions that are exclusive. And a particular perspective will exclude other perspectives. We have to be skeptical when we talk about gender and sexuality, there is power in shaping beliefs and submission in adhering to them.
2. Much of our social-world shapes our private world, just as much of our private-world shapes our social world. In other words: our beliefs can effect our biology as much as our biology can effect our beliefs.
So, are you ashamed of your gender, or are you ashamed by the beliefs you PUT to a gender?
If you%26#039;re really hung-up on this gender thing I can recommend: %26quot;Sexuality and Gender in Society%26quot; by Paul Root Wolpe (little dated but still useful). He also has a lecture series on disc from The Teaching Company entitled %26quot;Sociology of Sexuality%26quot; (hard to find but worth it).
